"why do you live in your body like you will be given another? as if it were temporary. you starve it, you let anyone touch it, you berate it. tell it that should be completely different. you tug at your soft flesh, wish it thinner, wish it gone. you fall in love with those who praise the way it sighs under their hands, but who praises the way it holds up your weight, even when you are falling apart?"

- warsan shire 

starting over, starting now.

She rolled over,
buried half her face
in her pillow,
and smiled
slightly.
It was then,
the overwhelming
realization
washed over me
that there is
so much more
to life
than simply
surviving it.

t.k.g

one year ago today...

I said yes!

I don't want to live, I want to love first, and live incidentally.

Sweetheart, Please, please don't be so depressed--We'll be married soon, and then these lonesome nights will be over forever--and until we are, I am loving, loving every tiny minute of the day and night--
Maybe you won't understand this, but sometimes when I miss you most, it's hardest to write--and you always know when I make myself--Just the ache of it all--and I can't tell you.
If we were together, you'd feel how strong it is--you're so sweet when you're melancholy. I love your sad tenderness--when I've hurt you--That's one of the reasons I could never be sorry for our quarrels--and they bothered you so-- Those dear, dear little fusses, when I always tried so hard to make you kiss and forget--
Scott--there's nothing in all the world I want but you--and your precious love--All the materials things are nothing.
I'd just hate to live a sordid, colorless existence-because you'd soon love me less--and less--and I'd do anything--anything--to keep your heart for my own--I don't want to live--I want to love first, and live incidentally..
Don't--don't ever think of the things you can't give me--You've trusted me with the dearest heart of all--and it's so damn much more than anybody else in all the world has ever had--
How can you think deliberately of life without me--If you should die--O Darling--darling Scott--It'd be like going blind...I'd have no purpose in life--just a pretty--decoration.
Don't you think I was made for you? I feel like you had me ordered--and I was delivered to you--to be worn--I want you to wear me, like a watch--charm or a button hole bouquet--to the world.
And then, when we're alone, I want to help--to know that you can't do anything without me...
All my heart--
I love you


Zelda Sayre to F. Scott Fitzgerald 

50 more days.

the long ride home.

I'm currently sitting in a hotel room, we have been living here for the past two days. Originally we had planned on driving for 4 days straight at 15 hours a day...a loooong car ride. Somehow our road trip got cancelled in exchange for two direct flights to Toronto and our car is being shipped for us! I'm not sure if it was the duct tape holding the bumper on our car, or the fact that we have already been in two car accidents, or maybe it was because Noah has such a good brain and his company loves him. Either way, it was an amazing surprise for us. Although there was something cathartic about doing that long drive and reflecting back on the time we spent here. Buuut i'm pretty sure it would lose its appeal after 5 hours, sooo we'll take the direct flights!

special delivery

I'm so relieved these lovely, hand painted, floral, folk-ish, beauty invites finally arrived! So far the only stressful part about planning a wedding was realizing (before it was almost too late) that I am NOT Martha Stewart and making my own invitations was a total flop. Thank you LOFTLIFEPRESS!

coachella 2012 photo diary.

Before we left for coachella, I kept stumbling on blogs about "how to survive coachella". Sounded stupid to me, how hard could it be to camp and see shows for a weekend? Well, it was very hard because it was very HOT! 108 degrees! Ohhh my!
Staying hydrated was a challenge as was sleeping in past 7am with the sun scorching down, drowning you in your own sweat. Other than that I had a blast and would do just about anything for one more sleepover in the desert.

Here are a few of the many photos I took. I was careless with my disposable camera, which ended up making some of the photo's look really cool.