starting over, starting now.

She rolled over,
buried half her face
in her pillow,
and smiled
slightly.
It was then,
the overwhelming
realization
washed over me
that there is
so much more
to life
than simply
surviving it.

t.k.g

one year ago today...

I said yes!

I don't want to live, I want to love first, and live incidentally.

Sweetheart, Please, please don't be so depressed--We'll be married soon, and then these lonesome nights will be over forever--and until we are, I am loving, loving every tiny minute of the day and night--
Maybe you won't understand this, but sometimes when I miss you most, it's hardest to write--and you always know when I make myself--Just the ache of it all--and I can't tell you.
If we were together, you'd feel how strong it is--you're so sweet when you're melancholy. I love your sad tenderness--when I've hurt you--That's one of the reasons I could never be sorry for our quarrels--and they bothered you so-- Those dear, dear little fusses, when I always tried so hard to make you kiss and forget--
Scott--there's nothing in all the world I want but you--and your precious love--All the materials things are nothing.
I'd just hate to live a sordid, colorless existence-because you'd soon love me less--and less--and I'd do anything--anything--to keep your heart for my own--I don't want to live--I want to love first, and live incidentally..
Don't--don't ever think of the things you can't give me--You've trusted me with the dearest heart of all--and it's so damn much more than anybody else in all the world has ever had--
How can you think deliberately of life without me--If you should die--O Darling--darling Scott--It'd be like going blind...I'd have no purpose in life--just a pretty--decoration.
Don't you think I was made for you? I feel like you had me ordered--and I was delivered to you--to be worn--I want you to wear me, like a watch--charm or a button hole bouquet--to the world.
And then, when we're alone, I want to help--to know that you can't do anything without me...
All my heart--
I love you


Zelda Sayre to F. Scott Fitzgerald 

50 more days.

the long ride home.

I'm currently sitting in a hotel room, we have been living here for the past two days. Originally we had planned on driving for 4 days straight at 15 hours a day...a loooong car ride. Somehow our road trip got cancelled in exchange for two direct flights to Toronto and our car is being shipped for us! I'm not sure if it was the duct tape holding the bumper on our car, or the fact that we have already been in two car accidents, or maybe it was because Noah has such a good brain and his company loves him. Either way, it was an amazing surprise for us. Although there was something cathartic about doing that long drive and reflecting back on the time we spent here. Buuut i'm pretty sure it would lose its appeal after 5 hours, sooo we'll take the direct flights!

special delivery

I'm so relieved these lovely, hand painted, floral, folk-ish, beauty invites finally arrived! So far the only stressful part about planning a wedding was realizing (before it was almost too late) that I am NOT Martha Stewart and making my own invitations was a total flop. Thank you LOFTLIFEPRESS!

coachella 2012 photo diary.

Before we left for coachella, I kept stumbling on blogs about "how to survive coachella". Sounded stupid to me, how hard could it be to camp and see shows for a weekend? Well, it was very hard because it was very HOT! 108 degrees! Ohhh my!
Staying hydrated was a challenge as was sleeping in past 7am with the sun scorching down, drowning you in your own sweat. Other than that I had a blast and would do just about anything for one more sleepover in the desert.

Here are a few of the many photos I took. I was careless with my disposable camera, which ended up making some of the photo's look really cool.

i'm sorry

women who are hard to love by warsan shire


you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.




...i am trying to be softer.

fuck what they're saying, my mind is made up.

Noah officially quit his job. Many people think we're just young, stupid and in love (which are all very true!) and that we will regret leaving. Well, I am here to tell you that we will not. We are so excited for our new adventure as husband and wife in Toronto!

coachella 2012

Tomorrow morning=Vegas...Palm Springs...COACHELLA!!!

My suitcase is overflowing and I can't sleep!

a new name, and everything new about me.

I'm starting a new blog. The other one was giving me anxiety because I was sooo behind on updating it. I figured instead of trying to catch up I might as well start fresh. I love artful postures of love, but when I read over old posts I hardly recognize that girl. I hate to give up the name because it was so pretty, and really meant so much to me, but its time for a change. Let's see if I will actually become a blogger this time. Ha! probably not.

Hopefully carats for cara doesn't sound too "princess-ish" as a title. It was chosen because when Noah proposed to me he wrote me a story called "carats for cara". At the end of the book, cut out deep into the pages was my beautiful diamond ring! carats as in "diamond carats" not carrots that you eat. I know i'm a terrible speller but this one wasn't a mistake.

"Thus I began my new life, in a new name, and with everything new about me. Now that the state of doubt was over, I felt, for many days, like one in a dream...whether it lasted for a year, or more, or less, I do not know. I only know that it was, and ceased to be; and that I have written, and there I leave it".

{Charles Dickens}